Blog

Posted on

New Beginnings

By Pam Nettles, LPC

As a new year and a new decade begin many people find themselves reflecting on the past and contemplating the direction for their future. Many people will develop resolutions for such things as losing weight, saving money, exercising more, eating healthier, being more spiritual, etc. Most people fail to keep their resolutions for a few simple reasons including that they establish unrealistic goals, the lack of accountability, or establishing goals that lack greater purpose. After only a week into the year there are some people that have already given up on their resolutions. Others are so discouraged by their past mistakes that they feel hopeless; that they will never be able to make changes. The Bible offers a refreshing view on new beginnings.


The Bible has many stories of people who started out with good intentions and then ‘lost their way’ or made poor decisions leading them to discouragement, frustration, sin and its consequences, and/or shame. The Bible also offers many verses and promises to provide us with encouragement and hope.


“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland”. (Isaiah 43:18-19, New International Version)


“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity”. (Jeremiah 29:11-13, NIV)


“I remember my afflictions and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness”. (Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV)


“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come”. (2 Corinthians 5:17, NIV)


“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me”. (Psalm 51:10-12, NIV)


“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”. (Ephesians 4:22-24, NIV)


“I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh”. (Ezekiel 11:19, NIV)


“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; tho ugh they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool”. (Isaiah 1:18, NIV)


“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2, NIV)


While the beginning of a new year is a good time for reflection and making decisions for change, God’s grace and restoration is available not only at New Year’s, but each and every day (or moment of the day), regardless of the time of year. If you are struggling or discouraged, feeling regret or shame, You are encouraged to focus on God’s plan for your life this year, daily, one day at a time. This is possible by reading His word, realigning your thoughts to be consistent with biblical truths, praying, worshipping, and by joining other believers in fellowship. Adjusting our thoughts to align with His thoughts/ways/plans is transformational because as we change our thinking, our behaviors and feelings change as well. Finally, we don’t have to make changes (and often can’t) in our own power, but with the power and strength Christ appropriates to each of us. (Phil. 4:13, NIV)

Pam Nettles, LPC
Posted on

Secure

by Kevin Wimbish, LMFT

For a number of my growing up years, my life was somewhat tumultuous. We moved about an average of once every year by the time I was a teenager. When I was 15, mom died and 26, dad died.

Needless to say, it has been a challenge for me to “let people in,” and I’m certain a deep part of it is fear of rejection and/ or being left in some manner.

And yet, one day, about 19 years ago, God allowed me to meet this wonderful person.  I noticed her walking on campus.  We met at a Christian retreat.  It didn’t take long for me to know that she was the one.

Since then, we have walked through wonderful joys and deep pain.  We started our first “real jobs” after college, experienced the decline and death of my father, and the births of both of our precious kids. We had “wins” and “losses” at work. We worked through conflict and resolution, my wrestling matches with deep darkness, and working out my fears of getting close, of being known.  

Why do I tell you all of this?  Because I think our culture indoctrinates us to see even one another as expendable; as commodities; as consumables.  If the other doesn’t make you happy, “get another one” the culture may say.   

Even as Christians, we can allow this mentality to infiltrate our minds and our marriages.  

Julie and I have been married for over 16 years.  I’ve known her longer than I knew my mother.  God has used her in my life to reflect His unfailing love; that it is possible to be known to the depths of one’s self, and be loved and accepted.  He has shown through her what it is know that someone is with me in it, no matter how big the it is.

In our marriages, the culture may say look to the other for fault, and make sure he/ she is meeting your needs.  I think the Bible would encourage us to “… first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of [the other person’s] eye.”  (Matthew 7:5, New American Standard Bible.)

The culture may say to think of yourself as an individual, with your fullest joy coming from “self-fulfillment.”  The Scriptures say “…the two shall become one flesh; so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.”  (Mark 10:8)

May we seek to submit our pride and self-centeredness before the throne of God that something better, more beautiful, more lasting may arise in our marriages and families.

May we live in such a way that the other is able to let down his/her defenses and find love and safety.

May we believe and seek to live out in our marriages the words of Jesus, “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.” (Luke 9:24)

Kevin Wimbish, LMFT
Posted on

Wise Men, Shepherds, and You: Looking for Jesus.

by Donna Gibbs, LPCS

And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear. And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, 

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” 

When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. 

Luke 2:8-16 , English Standard Version

Wise men and shepherds. An interesting mix at the center of the Christmas story, don’t you think? While these varying titles and roles might seem irrelevant and insignificant to us today, they were significant in that culture, and they were all invited to a special place in the story of Christ, and for good reason. God intended that men of great intelligence, great standing, and great wealth would travel a long distance to see Christ. These men brought gifts. Likewise, shepherds who were close-by the manger scene, who didn’t have to travel, were also invited to gaze upon the miraculous birth. These lowly leaders of their flocks, who might even have smelled much like the animals they cared for, had a divine appointment. They brought no gifts, but left with a priceless gift to give others as they enthusiastically shared the story of the most miraculous birth ever. 

These men, the wise men and the shepherds, shared a mission. They were looking for Jesus. They were seeking Hope! And God gave each of these men unique opportunities to seek him. Think about it… There was an army of angels rejoicing, but Mary and Joseph didn’t see them. Those sights were reserved only for the shepherds. How glorious! That guiding star? That was reserved for the wise men from the east. Amazing! These men had unique experiences that provided them with personal evidence of the birth of Jesus. 

God still wants us to look for Him, and He gives each of us an opportunity to seek Him, placing unique experiences in our lives to give us personal evidence of His existence. 

Indeed, the birth of Jesus brought Hope into the world. And, because He still lives, His story is still the most miraculous ever told. So maybe you relate more to the wise men. You have wealth. You have great abilities. You are well known and noticed. Or maybe you relate more easily to the shepherds. You would describe yourself as being unseen and unappreciated. Regardless of who you might most relate, I want to encourage you to consider the birth of Christ in the next few days. To do so without hindrance, you must set aside your socio-economic status (wealthy or poor). You must set-aside your emotional status (resilient or broken). Set aside your opportunities, or lack of them. Set aside your abilities and talents. Set aside your weaknesses. And look for Jesus. Seek Him. And then thank Him for how He reveals His existence so uniquely and personally to you! It may not be an army of angels or a guiding star, but if you are paying attention, you’ll likely see evidence of His existence in your personal life.

As you continue to ponder, consider the fact that you too have a significant role in the birth of Christ. You are invited to seek Jesus because Jesus was born for you. And that birth can bring Hope to you today, just as it did the wise men. Just as it did the shepherds. Whatever storm you face this holiday season, let it be approached with Hope as you look for Jesus, and reflect on the most miraculous story ever told. Yes, Hope was born! 

Donna Gibbs, LPCS

Donna Gibbs, co-owner of Summit Wellness Centers, PLLC, is author of the recent releases, Silencing Insecurity and Becoming Resilient. Donna has authored numerous other books, and is commonly featured on radio broadcasts across America, and occasionally internationally as well. Donna has been providing individuals and families the hope and help they need for twenty years as a board-certified professional Christian counselor, and licensed professional counselor supervisor. A member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), she is a leading professional provider for Focus on the Family, Christian Care Network, r3Continuum, FINDINGbalance, and Samaritan’s Purse. 

Follow Donna’s author page at https://www.facebook.com/DonnaGibbsResilience/ for daily encouragement, the weekly blog, and updates regarding events and speaking engagements.

Posted on

Welcome Interruptions

by Lori Heagney, LPC

I have recently been reading a Christmas devotional from YouVersion (Joy! to Your World! A Countdown to Christmas) to help me stay focused on the true meaning of this season in the midst of the busyness that consumes me this time of year. The devotions have really roped me in and I have truly been blessed by the reminders written in these entries. I would like to share some of what has touched my heart in hopes that it will touch yours as well.  

All of us are very familiar with the account of Jesus’ birth, but have you ever taken the time to think about the hearts of the characters involved in this great story? Let’s take a look at the lives of three of those characters now.

Elizabeth and her husband Zechariah had lived a life dedicated to the Lord. They were considered, “…righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord.” (Luke 1: 6, New American Standard Bible) Despite their devotion, God had not answered their prayers for children, and then one day He did! Can you imagine how amazed Elizabeth must have been to receive that news after waiting for so very long to be a mother!  “’How kind the Lord is!’ she exclaimed. ‘He has taken away my disgrace of having no children.’” (Luke 1: 25, New Living Translation) I love that what the Word shares is the positive focus that Elizabeth had. She focused on how the Lord had answered her prayers, not how many decades it took him to do it or rather contemplating all of the negative possibilities that could have been running through her mind at the thought of having a baby interrupt her retirement years. Instead, Elizabeth focused on the miraculous! 

Mary was going about her daily routine when one day she was greeted by the angel Gabriel with the salutation, “…Greetings, favored woman! The Lord is with you!” (Luke 1: 28) She was given the astounding announcement that she would be the mother of our Lord and Savior and after she recovered from her confusion about how this would happen, she responded with humility and submission. She said, “…I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” (Luke 1: 38) Mary accepted, without argument, the high price of God’s favor on her life; favor that would not come without a life of harsh words from strangers, and broken happiness for the “plan” she had for her own future with her groom to be. 

Joseph and Mary had planned to be wed when their love story was interrupted by her unplanned pregnancy. Joseph simply couldn’t fathom Mary’s insistent pleas that she was with child by the Holy Spirit.  Instead of allowing her to be disgraced for her betrayal with another man (which is what he must have thought) he planned to break the engagement quietly and send her away. He must have been heartbroken beyond belief, but he was a righteous man and he chose to act in kindness vs. retaliation. As the story unfolds, “…an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. ‘Joseph, son of David,’ the angel said, ‘do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.’” (Matthew 1: 20-21) Again, we see another example of submission to the Lord, despite the high price that this must have cost to Joseph’s reputation. 

Each of the three persons God chose to use in the greatest story of all time have something in common; each of them were “good people.” “Righteous” (Luke 1: 6) and “favored” (Luke 1: 28) where the words used to describe their character. They lived in obedience to God’s laws and walked in His ways, seeking only to do His will each day. Little did any of them know the high stakes that would be involved in submitting their lives to his plans, but they submitted blindly anyway. Each of them chose to allow God to interrupt their lives for His purpose to be established; for Christ to enter the world for all of us. 

The author of this YouVersion devotional (Carol McLeod) said, “How wonderful to know that even when we are doing what we believe to be the highest good, God’s ways are still higher than our best intentions! Christmas is a time when heaven’s best interrupts our good.”

In this Christmas season, is there anything that you think God is asking you to submit to Him? Is there something He is asking you to trust blindly in Him for? Do you need to put aside your planning to make room for Him to move in your life? I was challenged by these stories to really examine my heart and ask myself, “Am I willing for my story to be interrupted for God’s purposes, no matter what the cost?” My prayer is that you will take the time to prepare your heart for what God wants to do in and through you. He wants to use us as much as he used Elizabeth, Joseph and Mary. Oh, what a privilege!

Lori Heagney, LPC

Posted on

Anxiety in Teens

by Ashleigh Beason, LPCA

Anxiety is the leading mental health issue among teens. At least 1 in 3 teenagers between the ages of 13-18 will struggle with anxiety at some point during these teenage years. Not only are teenagers today under a lot more pressure, they are also growing up in an environment where schools have lockdowns, wars cross borders, and no one knows when or where the next environmental disaster will strike. They have pressures to succeed, social media, homework on top of school, sports, and work; our teens are juggling a lot. Anxiety has increased 20% over the last several years and is this why. Many adults cannot even handle what teens are trying to manage these days. 

Anxiety is common for everyone from time to time. Some anxiety might be mild where one feels a sense of nervousness and uneasiness, and this is a normal reaction to stress. Some anxiety is more intense where one will feel fear, dread, or a sense of panic. 

Teens are experiencing many changes from hormones to normal teenage drama so sometimes an anxiety disorder can be difficult to notice. There are several changes to notice in teens dealing with anxiety including:

Emotional changes: They might be on edge, feel irritable, have a hard time concentrating, or display restlessness and unexplained outbursts.

Social Changes: They may avoid people they used to hang out with, isolate, increase time alone.

Physical Changes: They may display frequent headaches, GI problems, fatigue, changes in eating habits, complaints of not feeling well without obvious reason, and changes in sleep patterns.

All these changes could be signs of anxiety and perhaps even panic attacks. Panic attacks look like chest pain, rapid heartbeat, sweating, upset stomach, dizziness, difficulty breathing, and numbness. 

So with all of these changes, teenage pressures, and a waning sense of safety, it’s not hard to notice how overwhelming and anxiety provoking this world can be, but what can you as parents do?

1.  Acknowledge your teen’s fear – don’t dismiss or ignore it. Your teen needs to know you take his or her fears seriously and you have full confidence in the ability to overcome.

2. Try to maintain a calm demeanor in front of your teen because if you have anxiety it can rub off on your teen. 

3.  Focus on the basics. Teens are notorious for going to sleep late, eating junk food, and not getting enough exercise. Make sure your teen is getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising.

4.  Encourage them to decrease social media. Social media contributes largely to anxiety today. Research has shown that it decreases self-esteem because it’s hard not to compare their social life and connections on social media.

5.  Encourage them to write a gratitude list. Research has shown that giving thanks causes less stress, improves the quality of sleep, and builds emotional awareness.

6.  Find something that they enjoy doing and utilize when stressed. Anxiety has been associated with stress and we know teens are stressed for a lot of different reasons. It is important when teens get stressed to take a break and do something they enjoy doing whether taking a walk, cooking, or exercising. Doing this will improve productivity and lower frustrations. 

7.  Have them take care of something–whether that be plants, chickens, fish, or a pet–the responsibility of caring for and protecting something can boost their confidence. This can motivate your teen to want to get out of bed and show up. It can give them a sense of purpose. 

8.  Remind them with truth. Anxiety will fill their heads with lies so reminding them of the simple truths of who they are can help. 

Although everyone will experience anxiety, at some point in time when it occurs too often, is too strong, is out of proportion to the present situation, and effects the persons daily life, it might be time to get help.  Parents are their teen’s biggest encouragers when it comes to taking on new challenges, coping with life, and developing resiliency when faced with adversity.  

Hurley, Kate. (2019). 6  Hidden Signs of Teen Anxiety. Psycom. https://www.psycom.net/hidden-signs-teen anxiety

McCarthy, Claire. (2019). Anxiety in Teens is Rising: What’s going on? HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org

Ashleigh Beason, LPCA

Posted on

The Power of the Positive

by Boone Leigh, LPC

Many times in our lives the desire to change comes from the painful and negative consequences we face. While negative consequences do motivate us, they usually are not the best influencer for change, especially long term. If all you get are threats of punishment from either parents or a spouse for not doing what they want you to do, the outcome is usually not a great relationship long term but rather bitterness, anger and ultimately rebellion. 

Many people feel that the Bible is full of negative consequences to get us to behave and love God as we should. The Ten Commandments, found in Exodus 20 and repeated again in Deuteronomy chapter 5 are to some people a prime example of this. In fact, the Ten Commandments are even worded in a negative fashion, starting with the first commandment “You shall have no other gods before me.” (Exodus 20: 3, English Standard Version) 

I have been encouraged by greater theologians than I over the years to see not just the negative wording in the commandments (“Thou shalt not…”) but the the very clear positive commands that are at the heart of all of God’s commandments. In other words, if there is a “thou shalt not,” then what is the “thou shalt?” If I am not to worship false gods, then the clearly implied positive command is to be a worshipper of the one true God. In fact, I would state that you cannot truly understand the commandments of God unless you look at them in the positive. For instance, an atheist, who claims to worship no God, could not be looked at as being someone who obeys the first commandment. 

Jesus, who is the true and best interpreter of the Bible, summed up the commandment in a positive way himself. When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, he summed up the whole of the ten commandments into 2 positively worded commandments. In Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus states  “..You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

The point is this. Negative wording and consequences may motivate us short term but they are not the best way to change us. Think on the positive aspects for a longer and more accurate motivation. Love for God and love for man motivates us much more than just a fear of God and man. Remember our great motivation to repent (i.e. change) is not fear of hell (though that is appropriate) but a reminder of God’s goodness and mercy to those who trust in him. “…God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance[.]” (Romans 2:4b)

Boone Leigh, LPC
Posted on

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

By Pam Nettles, LPC

Forgiveness and Reconciliation are two commonly misunderstood concepts. Forgiveness is actually a command given to every believer. However, reconciliation is a bit messier because it is not mandated, depending on the circumstances.  Sometimes reconciliation is healthy for you and/or a relationship; but in other instances reconciliation can be unhealthy, and even dangerous. Both Forgiveness and Reconciliation can be a one time decision, or it may be a process.  Prayer is a vital element in asking for wisdom and discernment, as well as preparing your heart.  Let’s consider each concept and hear what the Bible has to say.

Forgiveness of Others and Ourselves

Forgiveness literally means ‘to let go’ as when a person does not demand for payment for a debt.  Forgiveness does not mean you are condoning the action of another, pretending the offense didn’t happen or allowing another to take advantage of you.  Forgiveness does not mean you forget the offensive, but that you turn the offender over to Jesus and allow Him to work on the offender’s heart.  Forgiveness does not require the other party to participate, however, forgiveness sets you free of the bondage of bitterness and resentment.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.” (Colossians 3:13, New International Version)

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Sometimes it is harder to forgive ourselves of our offenses.   The Bible tells us to confess our sins and repent.  When we confess our sins God forgives us, never to remember the offense, however, we often continue to punish ourselves and not truly receive Christ’s forgiveness.  Jesus died on the cross for each and every sin you and I commit.

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” ( 1 John 1: 8 &9)

Reconciliation

Forgiveness may only require one party, if the other is not willing to repent. Reconciliation requires two parties.  If the person that offended you accepts personal responsibility for their actions, and repents (changes their actions), then it may be possible for reconciliation.  Depending on the nature of the offense it may be possible to establish guidelines for reconciliation and rebuilding trust.  Some guidelines may include accountability, counseling or the offender seeking help from a mentor, additionally time/space may be needed in the relationship.  Other times, if the offense was horrendous or abusive, reconciliation may not be possible.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”  (Romans 12: 18 – 19)

“Therefore , if anyone is in Christ,  the new creation has come:  the old has gone, the new is here!  All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them.  And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.  We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians 5: 17-20)

Pam Nettles, LPC
Posted on

Fashion-ed

by Kevin Wimbish, LMFT

He walks down the street wearing earbuds that are good for listening to music, but maybe even better as a fashion statement. She buys an SUV that is good for transporting people, but maybe even better for showing belonging to a certain social class. He expresses a certain opinion of matters with which he kind of agrees, but he knows it’s in fashion, so he proceeds.


I wonder if we believed that we are really fashioned in the image of God would we need to present all these other images?


I wonder if we really believed that we have inherent value as Image-Bearers of The King of the universe would we need to find our value in how valuable are our things.


I wonder if we ultimately rested in the approval of God would we need the approval of the masses by agreeing with whatever is in fashion in the culture.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”‭‭ (Psalm‬ ‭139: 13-14,‬ ‭English Standard Version)


“Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image..”‭‭ (Genesis‬ ‭1:26‬)

In 20 years that SUV may have a bit of rust. In 20 years kids may laugh at how archaic those earbuds were. In 20 years our “enlightened” way of thinking may reveal itself to have been an unwise social experiment.


“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit.”– C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

May we start believing that we don’t need so many things to make us feel valuable to ourselves and others. May we regularly reflect on God’s love for us more than the crowd’s “love” for us. May we realize that we don’t need certain material fashions nor to go along with current thought fashions to be valuable.


Fashions come and go. “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”‭‭ (Isaiah‬ ‭40: 8)‬ ‭

Kevin Wimbish, LMFT
Posted on

Teenagers and Depression

by Ashleigh Beason, LPCA

The topic of depression is on the rise especially in teenagers today. In fact, one in five will suffer from depression in their teenage years. Teenagers face so much in their day to day life, including a wide range of pressures from the changes brought on by puberty to questions about who they are and where they belong. With all of this uncertainty, it can be difficult to tell if teens are going through depression or normal teenage growing pains. Teenage depression goes beyond normal teenage moodiness.

Some possible indications of depression are:

1) Problems at school. Depression causes low energy and concentration at school which could affect a drop in grades, low attendance, and frustration with schoolwork.

2) Wanting to run away. Often teens threaten to run away and this can be a cry for help.

3) Drug and alcohol abuse​. Teens utilize alcohol and drugs to self-medicate.

4) Low self-esteem. Depression can trigger and intensify feelings of ugliness, shame, failure, and unworthiness.

5) Smart phone addiction. Utilizing phones to escape their problems also increases teenage isolation.

6) Changes in eating habits. This could be binging or restricting and has potential to lead to eating disorders.

7) Self-harm. This might include cutting, burning or excessive piercing or tattooing which can be a way to cope with their emotional pain. 

8) Thoughts of death and suicide.

Depression looks different in teens than in adults. In adults the prominent mood in depression is sadness; however, with teens it is usually irritability. Depression in teens can cause unexplained aches and pains in which teens might complain of headaches and stomach aches. Teens are extremely sensitive to criticism and are plagued by feelings of worthlessness. While adults might completely isolate from others, teens usually will withdraw from some but not all friends. Usually teens will socialize less, will pull away from parents, and will begin hanging out with a different crowd. 

Although not all teens that have some of these symptoms will have depression, it is important to know how to handle them if they do. As parents it is important to bring up your concerns in a loving way creating open dialogue. 

Here are some tips that may help: 

1) Acknowledge their feelings. It is important not to try and talk them out of their irritability and sadness but instead to just acknowledge it. It is also important to focus on listening, not lecturing. 

2) Trust your gut. As a parent you know your child better than anyone else, so if you think it’s just hormones and stress go with it, but if you think it could be depression seek professional help.

3) Help your teen reconnect. Creating more face time as parents could be helpful,but also do what you can to encourage them to combat social isolation. Get your teen involved in activities (while teens might lack interest at first, they might take time to feel better and regain enthusiasm). Activities could include clubs and sports or it could be volunteering. Sometimes doing something for others is the medicine they need. 

4) Promote exercise. It has been proven that exercise decreases symptoms of depression. It is ideal for your teen to get an hour a day, but encourage them to do something they enjoy. They could be walking a dog, dancing, going for a hike, riding bikes, or anything that gets them moving.

5) Decrease unhealthy teen habits. Teens are known for their unhealthy habits including staying up late, eating junk food, and spending hours on phones so it is important to limit screen time, provide balanced meals, and encourage sleep (9-10 hours).

6) Seek professional help. If you are unsure if you should seek professional help,consider how long the symptoms have been going on and how severe they are. Hormones and stress do have an effect on the angst of teens but if it is continuous unhappiness, lethargy, or irritability it might be time to seek help. 

Helping a depressed teen is not easy, and you may be (and probably will be) met with resistance.  Dealing with the resistant teen is difficult and draining and can actually be exhausting. So, while you are working hard to help your teen, don’t forget to look after your own health as well. 

Ashleigh Beason, LPCA
Posted on

Celiac, Auto-immune disease, & Mental Health: Managing Challenges

by Donna Gibbs, LPCS

(Reposting in honor of Celiac Awareness Month)

October is Celiac Disease Awareness Month. I have numerous friends who wrestle with the symptoms and limitations of celiac disease, a serious autoimmune disorder. In those with Celiac disease, the ingestion of gluten leads to an immune response that attacks the small intestine. If you have celiac, then gluten robs you of life satisfaction. Gluten creates risky health complications. Gluten is downright dangerous. 

I too have an autoimmune disease that requires my omitting gluten. It’s not fun. It’s not my choice. I’d much rather enjoy homemade biscuits, a hot loaf of bread from Carrabba’s, or a fresh-made doughnut from my favorite local bakery. But I can’t. I haven’t had that pleasure in years. For me, ingesting gluten would be irresponsible. It would rob me of remission, and I have learned to live with that fact. (I’m hoping for a large dose of homemade biscuits in heaven!!)

Some of you can relate. Maybe it’s not Celiac, or even an auto-immune disease, but you may endure the hardship of a challenging physical battle each day of your life. It’s tough living with the daily trials and restrictions of a chronic condition. As you probably know quite well, that day after day battle requires large doses of support and self-discipline. 

But some of you reading this blog wrestle with a more hidden condition. You don’t have Celiac disease, or any other serious auto-immune disease. (I hope you don’t.) You wrestle with a more silent, but equally as powerful struggle: mental illness. While you may have no negative consequences from a slice of bread, there are other things that will certainly trigger you. Those triggers bring unwelcomed symptoms. Sometimes those symptoms can become very serious. Much like someone with Celiac, you must take very seriously your “ingestion” of triggers. You too must omit some things from your life in order to ensure that you remain stable. For instance, if you wrestle with anxiety, then you must abstain from caffeine. If you wrestle with depression, you must abstain from alcohol. If you wrestle with fear, you must abstain from dark horror or sci-fi movies or books. If you wrestle with anger, you must abstain from long viewings of the news. If you struggle with any chronic mental illness, you must be mindful of anything that enters your brain, which is your most important bodily organ. You must be mindful of who you spend your time with. Like foods, people can be either toxic or medicinal. You must be aware of your triggers, and sometimes those triggers are unique to you alone (you must become your own expert). In a nutshell, your triggers can be as toxic for your mental health as a bread bar would be for someone with Celiac. That sounds harsh. But it’s true.

Whether we wrestle with a mental, spiritual, or physical health concern, our ownership of our health is key! That ownership takes a grown-up perspective! It requires relinquishing and grieving what we SO want to put into our bodies or minds, but can’t afford. And then owning our own health, because we have the exclusive responsibility for ourselves. That ownership may sometimes require radical steps to ensure that we are our best version of ourselves. Not perfect. But as stable as we can be this side of eternity. Perfectly imperfect!

Donna Gibbs, co-owner of Summit Wellness Centers, PLLC, is author of the recent releases, Silencing Insecurity and Becoming Resilient. Donna has authored numerous other books, her blogs are frequently shared in various media outlets, and she is commonly featured on radio broadcasts across America, and occasionally internationally as well. Donna has been providing individuals and families the hope and help they need for more than twenty years as a national certified counselor, board-certified professional Christian counselor, and licensed professional counselor supervisor. A member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), she is a leading professional provider for Focus on the Family, Christian Care Network, r3Continuum, FINDINGbalance, and Samaritan’s Purse. 

Donna Gibbs, LPCS

Follow Donna’s author page at https://www.facebook.com/DonnaGibbsResilience/ for daily encouragement, the weekly blog, and updates regarding events and speaking engagements.

Touch to Call