by Donna Gibbs, LCMHCS, BCPCC
One of my colleagues only reads books that are from deceased authors. We joke with him about this preference, and his reply is always,“Authors who are alive still have the chance to mess up”. Ouch! That’s true, isn’t it? All of us can name someone we have admired who later disappointed us. Their music, their writings, their company, their ministry was forever tainted by their implosion. It’s not that God can’t forgive. It’s that we can’t forget, and reputations are forever contaminated by a fall. Truth is, we too can “mess up”. As long as we still have breath, we still have the option of wrecking our lives.
Sounds encouraging so far, doesn’t it?
I’ve done a lot of damage control over the years. All too often, my role has been crisis intervention when a life, marriage, family, or ministry has been unnecessarily wrecked. A controversial social media post. A DUI. An affair. A financial scandal. A mental health crash. Greater people than me have solicited destruction into their lives, without ever intending to have sent an invitation. Anyone can self-destruct. No one is immune. In fact, our sinful nature is naturally bent towards an implosion. But, I’ve learned some of my most treasured and humbling lessons from some fabulous people who suffered a collapse that they never intended. The reality that anyone can fall keeps me on my toes. I’ve seen the unnecessary suffering, born out of a crisis that never had to be created.
I will share a few tips that hopefully can prevent an unnecessarily destructive season in your life.
I recently read a simple, but powerful book, How to Ruin Your Life. The author sums up three vulnerabilities that can lead to destruction: isolation, boredom, and pride. I would add to those three the vulnerabilities of comparison and despair.
This discussion is so important right now because COVID has created a season that leaves all of us inevitably more vulnerable. Why? Think about the presence of isolation. (We’ve been ordered to stay home!) The presence of boredom. (There is only so much to do within the same set of walls.) The heightened use of social media triggering comparisons (particularly in the absence of face to face interactions). The political divisions and heightened tensions, (leading to pride and arrogance or despair and hopelessness). The last 6 months have fertilized the very vulnerabilities that can lead to an implosion.
If you’re like the average person, you are having days in which you struggle. You have some discouragement. You have some anxiety. Some days you just want to escape this crazy whirlwind called 2020. I get it! But I also know that part of maturing, and preventing a destructive collapse, is learning to tolerate the discomforts and uncertainties of life. It’s learning to pause when we realize we are vulnerable, and learning to look far enough ahead of our decisions to discern their benefit (or their danger).
Isolation, boredom, comparison, pride, despair – they all require a coping skill. In fact, we use coping skills every day of our lives. The average person needs more coping skills right now than they might have needed at this time last year. (This fact is why substance use has increased in the last 6 months.) We are in a particularly vulnerable time and space, and our prevention of self-imposed ruin is dependent on the coping skills that we utilize to manage our inevitable vulnerabilities.
If you’re concerned about wrecking your life, and you can see present dangers, I encourage you to pause. Maybe others have sounded a warning, but you don’t see a problem. Consider this blog your “check engine light”. It won’t hurt to pull over and inspect your situation, rather than continuing to race ahead.
How do you inspect your situation? Take an objective peek at your coping skills. Are they helpful? Or are they causing you to spiral? Take inventory of your mental state. Are you hurting so badly that you have lost your care regarding potential consequences? Do you just want an escape? Are you responding impulsively? Are you having a difficult time regulating your emotions? Are you stable enough to make life-altering decisions? Consider your recent pattern of decisions (and the future-focused decisions you are pondering). Are you dabbling with disaster? Are you on the brink of a decision that will create permanent ramifications? Are you ok with those potential ramifications? Can you in good conscience recommend others take the same path you are considering?
If you are concerned about wrecking your life, know that there is still time for damage control! Speak with a trusted friend. Call a pastor. Consult with a counselor. You have the freedom to implode. But you also have the freedom to prevent a crisis. You have the freedom to protect your testimony and your reputation. You have the freedom to save your marriage or your ministry. If your check-engine light is indicating potential danger, it may be time for a U-turn!
If you’re struggling, we’d be honored to help you re-route, to help you prevent a crisis, or to help you rebuild the ruins. There is nothing too big for God to manage or redeem, and we’re here to join you in the journey!
They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.
Isaiah 61:4, ESV
Geiger, Eric. How to Ruin Your Life: And Starting Over When You Do. B & H Publishing Group, Nashville, 2018.
Donna Gibbs, co-owner of Summit Wellness Centers, PLLC, is author of the recent releases, Silencing Insecurity and Becoming Resilient. Donna has authored numerous other books, her blogs are frequently shared in various media outlets, and she is commonly featured on radio broadcasts across America, and occasionally internationally as well. Donna has been providing individuals and families the hope and help they need for more than twenty years as a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Supervisor and a Board-certified Professional Christian Counselor. A member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), she is a leading professional provider for Focus on the Family, Christian Care Network, r3Continuum, FINDINGbalance, and Samaritan’s Purse.
Follow Donna’s author page at https://www.facebook.com/DonnaGibbsResilience/ for daily encouragement, the weekly blog, and updates regarding events and speaking engagements.
